A means to an end
My rebirth took place a good few weeks ago. It was the moment when I officially stopped smelling of tears and I knew with undisputed certainty that I got back my unfathomable passion for life.
Get in. Get off. Get out.
The pixie dust stopped swirling from the acts of desperation... and settled all over me, making me shine and glitter like never before. I waited for that moment for years and finally experiencing it reinforced my belief that I can have anything and anyone I want if I let me. At first I thought it was vendetta that pushed me to do him. But the moment it was done, I knew I did it for me because that was who I am before the destruction that your love and lies have caused me.
No regrets. No mistakes. Just life.
I wonder what would happen if you found out. Haha.
I see your true colors shining through
And I bet if lies had colors, they would exactly be of the same hues.
Amazing how love clouds our eyes from seeing the truth. But that doesn't mean I love love any less. I guess that's where the beauty of it all is. Everything I've been through has made me too awesome to be jaded anymore.
I woke up, and my imagination craved for a book. So I opened one of my dusty boxes and chose The Reader. From it fell a Christmas note from a former colleague wishing me well with my then-new squeeze. Ah... our first December 25th together. The day you told me you got your ex pregnant that's why you can't keep it up despite all the party favors.
Remember? I truly hope you are performing better now. For your sake. I know I am. Just ask him and him. Tee-hee.
In 5 years, I'd officially be a cougar. Unless in God's good graces, some impressive dude meets my lofty expectations. I vow never to settle again. If you found her and you two are Über perfect together, I'm sure that guy on the same level as I am would find me too and we would color each other's life with the stuff that Crayola came up with.
I wonder when I'd get around to getting that rainbow tattoo on my right foot. Not that I'm not colorful enough as I am. I just want to. Because there's no one who can stop me.
If you seek Amy
I catch you staring
I know you like what you see
When you're with her
I bet you think about me
Do something already! Haha. Oh too bad I'm not a tacky skank who would let her dream come true be another girl's nightmare.
I hope you know you're pleasing to the eyes yourself. Haha.
This is our last dance.
Every day of this week has been incredibly sunshiny and jazzy with you in it. You have no idea how crazy you drive me with your boyish charm and irresistible dimples.
I long to learn more and more if the lessons would be taught by you. Tee-hee.
I love falling in and out of love on a daily basis. Oh, my whorish heart!
Caffeinated Brainfarts
Once you go black, you never go back... To lights, that is. Marlboro Black is the best poison.
I miss Sbux's Peanut Butter bar. They're killing me by phasing it out. THAT is why I must not taste anything sinfully delicious. I easily get attached.
Bummer.
I am good luck and hard work.
I know it's love when I take the bad with the good. So there. I love my job.
I may no longer be in love with it in the strictest sense but it still excites me every day.
Love. Love. Love.
These days... Who knows what it means?
Norah: Are you sad we missed it?
Nick: We didn't miss it. This IS it.
This is it, then. The first hurrah.
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He fell in love again with a photo that was taken a year ago. It wasn't my best shot but it was a night I remember being so happy in the company of friends and not because of any guy's presence... And because at the end of the day, I'm still a princess. I'm going on hiatus from FB and I shall leave you with that photo so every time you cyberstalk me, you'd fall in love over and over. Haha. xoxo
You may make me want to say fuck
Whut. the. hell.
People behind Facebook! What's the deal with this thingy I just saw about couples being able to include their anni-fucking-versary on their profiles too?! What are you going to come up with next? Being able to link with ex-lovers? Fuck buddies as relationship status? A lot daily for sex?
People's vanity used to fascinate me. Now, it's just downright anno-fucking-ying. Online funn is losing the nn and being replaced with ck. Pffft.
They are the answers to my prayers
All great literary works have sections in which everyone and everything that contributed to its completion are acknowledged. This is long overdue but I simply refuse to go on with the rest of my beautiful life not taking the time to tell of the people without whom I would not be my complete awesome self again. (Or at least without whom I wouldn't have whooped my lovely arse back to sanity) No names have been dropped in the lifetime of this blog but such grand post needs to be an exception.
My family. At the end of it all, the first people I can rely on would be you. You took me back when I came running home soaked in tears. I was wrong to let someone talk me into turning my back on you. Yes, we are not perfect. Yes, we are more dysfunctional than the Simpsons. But the Pablos still kick ass for sticking together through all the crap flung our way. Family must and shall come first.
Abigail. Oh dear. I do not know where to start to thank you for. You were the warning and the first aid. You were the voice of my head. Everything I knew I had to do but did not want to accept, you slapped my face with and it was exactly what I needed. Everything I knew I shouldn't do but wanted to, I didn't because you showed me that all it would amount to is zero. You missed work, got sick and who-knows-what and you kick ass for that. You were also the first to patiently listen to me. You never undermined the pain and you took what I felt seriously. You believed and with that faith, I learned to believe too.
Juliefish. Oh dear again. I wonder where you get your constant supply of Pasencia biskwits from. Even I annoy me with my disturbing sanity-flew-out-the-window ramblings. You just keep on answering my calls and replying to my SMS being the good friend that you are. I'm glad we became classmates in Junior year of high school. You truly are my rock. And who can ever forget the La Union trip you invited me to that successfully pulled me out of my
Ang lungkot lungkot ko-matose state. You and I shall have more and more secrets to share and we'd be more and more kick ass by the day.
TM Jhe and FIB Wave 36. Guys, you kick ass! TM Jhe and her life anecdotes and offering the company's counselling services. Mark, Franny and Mama Ray and their enduring my drunken drama-rama spectaculah at the flat. Mervs and his One More Chance and It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken. J.La and her intent listening to my never-ending thoughts all shift long. Di and her "This is not the end of me" mantra. Aeyts, Kit, Sigh and Barbs for simply always being around to give me a pat on the back. You are more than just my colleagues. You are my work siblings.
Joycee and Harly. The now-defunct Sunday Club. The hoebag bashing. The "That girl's so _ _!" in the mall when you see someone fugly. The GSM Blue and Calamansi soda. The swimming-swimming. You gals were the first to give me something to look forward to when I lost all that I knew. Need I say that you kick ass?
Hartemio. When you say you just checked on me because I just might hang myself, you actually aren't exaggerating. Your reply to everything is humor and that humor became my happy pill day in and day out. You're a kick-ass good guy and thank you for not denigrating me to merely someone who used to be your friend's girlfriend.
Mitzi. It took me a while to be okay around you because you were just proof of what I had lost. What I failed to see was you were in the same place too. You missing me made me remember my worth and made me realize I was missing the wrong person all along. You and I would always kick ass, from Alabang to Makati to Galera to BF to wherever.
Bella. If I ever had a therapist, it would be you (except you don't charge two grand per hour of silent observation). You and your psych analyses. You and your positivity. You and your nail buffer. Haha. We are friends because you kick ass too!
These are just the ones off the top of my head. If I failed to remember you, I'm sorry and please let me know right away. I'm hungry and exhausted and very very sleepy.
