Thursday, August 09, 2012

Survival of the fittest

When the doctor asked me how I was able to endure almost three years at my job without seeking help, I replied that I may be in the same company with the same position but I do not have the same responsibilities. Moreover, a major (salute!) difference was not having my girls anymore. With all due respect to the people I hang with these days, I don't have a stable support group anymore. I know you are all mature enough to understand that this statement is in no way undermining your capacity to be a good friend. We all have that group of people who knows us inside out, who without a word uttered can comfort us with merely a look.

Charles Darwin's theory never applied to me, or at least not in a very long time. I survived because I have the best friends a bipolar girl can ever wish for. Whenever I was stressed at my first job, my high school friends, students still at the time, would meet me for coffee or drinks at the end of the day. Whenever I was stressed at this job, the mean girls, regardless if payday was a handful of days away, would meet me for coffee and cigs at the end of the day, or even in the middle of the day. I miss that. If one is looking for a perfect example of nostalgia, then here it is.

The past few months, I have been bothered with the idea that perhaps I was never fit to work in the kind of environment I deal with everyday. I can only wonder why I like working there so much. Partly because I was consumed with the promise that it is not just a job but the first step to a long-term career. Partly because when I joined the team, I told myself this would be the last time I'd ever be an employee. Partly because I easily get bored and challenges are fun for me - plausible challenges, mind you. Impossible is nothing is just some slogan by Adidas. Show me the face of the employee who exceeds in all the departmental metrics and I'd admit I made a mistake and had stressed myself out for nothing.

Would managing my disorder through medication be a better solution than managing my life the natural way - through a less stressful lifestyle and through traveling? Would I ever have the same support system I had?

I would eternally be grateful, Loiza, Julz, Mitzi, Joyce, Trins, Barbs and Bella. I am the fittest of all because of you.


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