Monday, January 22, 2007

The Francis Aquino Concert

Yes, I'm talking about Alive 2007: Wolfgang-Razorback Concert held last January 6 at Music Museum. Everywhere I go on cyberspace, someone is talking about how he kicked ass that night. I think everyone is making too much fuss over it. Not that there's anything wrong with that... Francis did do some serious ass-kicking and he was all hotness with his jiggly-wiggly manboobs and all. I enjoyed the whole repertoire, actually. Adrenaline was pumping through every inch of me the whole three hours of it. But the thing is, I think the whole point of the concert was overshadowed by... the whole Francis-ness of it all. I realize that while everyone went there to watch his/her favorite band play live again after all those years, everyone went home with Francis' drum beating in his/her head. The satisfaction of seeing the two great bands together was somehow pushed from the limelight, when that is, in fact, what people shoulda left the concert with. Basti's voice and Manuel's strums were muted compared to Francis' beating. I dunno if it's the loudness of it or the comical way he played or what, it just overshadowed everything. I don't think people woulda noticed if Basti, Manuel and Mon walked off the stage one by one. Case in point: he totally stole the show!

Here's another thingamajiggy to prove he did: he's all that's mentioned about the concert in this post. Haha. My brother, who has adored Wolfgang longest than anyone I know, does have a point. If he were THAT good, he would've gotten everyone's attention by blending in with the rest of the band and not showcasing his flabs nor breaking anything in the process of. Well, whatevs. Francis deserves his fifteen-minute of fame, anyway. He's still the best drummer I personally know. And I'm just glad I went that night.

Rock on!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Do you have to let it linger?

What the hell. Whatever gave you the idea that he's my pinakamamahal. Tangina. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard from you since you started saying hi to me. I really can't do anything about your insecurities anymore, really. Coz honestly, I've said and done everything in the book to try to convince you that you're beside me, in my arms... while he's up there on a pedestal, merely an admired icon.

Guys and their egos are tough rocks to break. Everyday I tell you I love you and everyday I try to be a better woman only for you and it seems the story of Cain and Abel again. I run a mile and you crawl an inch and, oh wth, all is lost. Futile efforts better thrown into the wind. When will this vicious cycle of love and loss end?!

I am just sooo tired. Most days I just want to climb up the roofdeck and give in to vertigo. But I don't wanna give up on you, on us, because I want to be different. I don't want to be like the other girls who left you faster than you can say "Don't leave me" when they met someone better. Only now do I realize that it's just me being selfish and not wanting to be just another girl in your past. And perhaps it's because I can see you do have potential to be who I want and need for the rest of my life.

You bore me. Your personality is bland as unripe tomatoes. Do we even have anything in common? Is there anything that you can offer for us to do that is new to me? We can't simply spend the rest of our lives making out, farting and listening to mainstream radio. Not me. I'm a boho at heart. I need to try something new once every while.

Some girls are just not meant to be tamed. Some are just meant to run free... until they find someone to run with. I'll forever hold your hand if you'll run with me. IF.

Friday, January 12, 2007


Someone's gonna love me the way I wanted you to need me...
Someone's gonna take your place...
I'll forget about you...
You'll see, I won't even miss you...
Even if I cared.

That day has come. Everything is unacceptably fucking perfect. Unfortunately, I still DO care.

I hate myself these past days. I love him. I do. But I'm not quite sure if I'm IN love with him. I hate me for having this whirlwind in my head. It's either I do or I don't, right? It always has. THAT is who I am. was. Well, this time, I absolutely have no idea. I was described to be binary by a mirror friend... I'm either 1 or 0. Well. I'm 1 and a half now... If that even makes sense.

Can I not truly break it off because I can't live without him? Or is it because life is simply more tolerable with him? Or is it because I don't want to go on with my life thinking I threw my chance at true fucking love at the nearest trash bin.

Ah. The answers. Only I hold them. Still.

There's something about honesty and emotional intimacy that is overrated and whatever it is, I've known that all along. That's why I've run from both for the longest time. Why the sudden sweet surrender? I think I started hating myself when I did. Because deep inside, I knew it was one way. I was in way over my head ONCE AGAIN.

I don't want to be miserable anymore. And I'm everything but when I'm with him, with my hand in his. But I find myself weeping whenever he's not around. What's wrong? What's missing? If I knew, I wouldn't be feeling this crap now, would I?

If only this whole woeful predicament comes with terms and conditions, any form of security or protection for my fragile scarred gula-gulanit heart... But credit cards are easier to sell.