Candlewax on my fingers
I passed time last night watching candles burn... literally. The electricity interruption was in my favor. I felt a very strong attack of "you mentionitis" so I sought a distraction to keep myself from giving in. It worked except for those few moments that the urge was too strong I had to hug Rhaiz to stifle the memory vomit. I can't. Not just yet... Be at the places we were together at, be with the people we were with, discuss issues we used to talk about. I never could, I fear. But no, I plan to heal. I do.I never asked for this feeling. I never asked to feel, period. I didn't ask to find someone to love. I didn't ask to be loved. I was doing perfectly fine on my own thank you very much. Well, it has been told that we don't realize we are hungry for something until we have a little taste of it. All that time I was fixated and jaded, I was convinced I'll survive without that special someone. What in the cow's offspring did I do to deserve to be told I love you to one minute and left shivering in the dust on the next? Especially when I've done everything I could to be the ideally perfect girlfriend. I tried to understand everything... What I cannot understand is this. Crap. Nobody can truly empathize with this pain.
I wish your name were something else... One not of grenadine and strawberry DJ Mix. One that doesn't give a warm marshmallowy feeling everytime it's spelled in my head. One that isn't too unique and distinctive. One that is easy to forget. You simply have the sweetest name. And it kills me.
The memory of the molten candlewax on my skin is nothing compared to the memory of you.
posted by Ketch Pablo @ 10:42 PM
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