Saturday, April 22, 2006

I Miss You

To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real... Why? Because all those nights I woke up thinking of you, I never thought I would ever actually wake to see you beside me...

It's a beautiful Saturday morning with the birds chirping outside and the sunshine causing a kaleidoscope spectrum in my room. I would've wiggled my toes in bliss and smiled at my ever-loyal sleep buddy Nyoms-nyoms if it wasn't your face that I saw. I would never wake up in your arms or with you in my arms ever again... That much is clear. And that makes waking to weekends too difficult.

To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold Utopian dream... Why? Because I've run from getting too attached far too long and to hear those words from you thawed my freezing heart out...


That night has changed my whole perspective in... everything. To hear those words from you, I had, or so I thought, been finally assured that you had boxed your past and thrown it somewhere it couldn't be reopened. I know it was rather hurtful for me to have answered let's not make things complicated but I didn't want to scare you off with commitment right then and there... when all I wanted was to do just that and to tell you how happy I was. Imagine my surprise when you said goodbye a week after. The lies we tell are amusing, my dear. But the funny thing is, at least one thing was true. You are full of lies. Haha. Galing. You are simply marvelous, or is it because we all are? Maybe I just put you too high up in a pedestal. Oh, what the heck. I always knew that things will go on for you, with no mind of where I'm at.

You do something to me that I can't explain so would I be out of line if I said... Why? Because I wasn't exaggerating nor pretending everytime I told you you made my heart quiver and my knees buckle... You did and it went to show how much effect you had on me...

I wish I never will have to see nor talk to you and be the girl I was with you again. It's over, Floi. Get over it and move on. I wish it were that easy. I wish I didn't feel this pain. I wish I weren't so in love with you so you couldn't hurt me. It's just the way it is, I guess. You will continue hurting me just because you can... And you will continue forgetting me just because I didn't turn out to be the girl who can hurt you.

You have only been gone ten days but already I'm wasting away... Why? Because...

What we had was a learning experience for you and I'm glad. I showed you there's beauty in life after all the shit you've been through and I'm glad. I fixed you and I'm glad. But tell me, who's supposed to fix me now? Just when my life has been turned upside-down, you're gone. What would you have done when you found me that morning you abandoned me in your bathroom soaked in my blood? I was the best of me when I was with you... And I am the worst of me now that you've left.

And there's nothing more to it.

2 Comments:

At 10:55 PM, Anonymous cheenee* said...

hey floi... that's tragic... i'm sorry... i really don't know what to say.. shet... i hope you'll be fine soon... take care...

 
At 11:38 PM, Anonymous is said...

sis moni tyo anytime just text me okay. *mwahugz*

 

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