Until I found my life again, I drown. So save me now.

Doing a David Copperfield

Somebody left a comment mentioning escapism. I don't know what the heck is wrong with my comprehension but I just can't grasp what he is trying to say. Is it directed at me or you? Oh well... All I know is it left me with this realization that has been nagging behind my brain.

I've been trying to fix the little clutter that my life has become in a relatively short time. Labored for a long while, lost in a fleeting moment. Having too much time in my hands is driving me to insanity. I can not stand still. Oh geez, it's time to pick up where I left off.

It didn't occur to me that my whole life, I not only have been running but I've been running away. High school. Family. College. Career. Boys. It's a series of unfinished chapters. I go back to each one and instantly feel the same as when I last let myself feel it. I haven't been living but merely surviving. (Let me quote you on that one) Can I muster enough strength to actually live?

I finally smiled and laughed last night... As I have before this. I was surrounded by everyone and everything that has, without falter, given me overwhelming happiness and unconditional love. This is my escape... My surreal reality. It was so easy to say I'm doing fantastic and that I can move on from you and everything else... Because this is a world wherein you do not exist. You are merely another name in my long list.

Is there any way to cut Laguna off from Manila? I never want to go back.

posted by Ketch Pablo @ 3:53 PM