Until I found my life again, I drown. So save me now.

If I die, will I be remembered?

Going back to the South last night to pay my respects to a late great man, I pondered over what I call the life I have.

It's rather plain and simple, complicated as it may seem. No problem is completely irresolvable... No conflict is completely irreconcilable. I have choices to make which are not quite difficult if only I would let go of the railings and take a dive into the uncertainties of the future.

Contentment to me now is this utopian cloud of fairy dust being constantly blown away by the winds of envy and self-pity. All I want in the world is to be able to stand still in a moment where I can truly say that I want what I have and nothing more. So, I set little goals and built a net to catch that cloud of fairy dust, but it would always just slip through the holes. No matter how wide my net reached, it just isn't happening.

Sick as it may sound, I'm glad for this death because it prompted my whole I'm-so-depressed-kill-me-now-and-let-me-weep phase to wither and die. I realized I just need to close my eyes and the fairy dust will come raining down on my head, as I think happy thoughts and fly away... Yes, like Peter Pan. But more like Wendy, who in the end just wanted to go home to the real world and grow up.

I drown in seas of alcohol
Lust and addictions
My convictions are for the flies
Severed ties from reality and family
I've burned all bridges
Let the air catch embers
If I die, will I be remembered?
--- When Heroes Die, Urbandub

posted by Ketch Pablo @ 3:57 PM