Sunday, April 16, 2006

Saved by denial

It's hard not to think positive when everything in your life seems to rhyme. The beauty of it all is suffocating. That is when I become a happy little idiot, whose fate truly is in the hands of God. Bring on the hymns, let me alert the church whilst I send an SMS to the Bible Reflections hotline.

It just has to be said: I love waking up every morning with a disposition in life as light as freshly baked sponge cake, but it scares the shit out of me... I figured before, I will either be successful and alone or happily domesticated with 2.5 kids and a crap-job. Now, I just don't care. Being this happy when my relationship with a certain someone has gone down the drain and while the company I've stayed loyal to for two years is making a mockery out of that little thing called loyalty can mean only two things: I've either grown up or I'm in absolute denial.

I remember staring out at my life sometime ago thinking, "Rhyme, damn you!". I felt like I was running from one lamp-lit corner to the next, looking for the right moment of perfect circumstances, when all the street signs in the world said that there never will be such a said moment.

It doesn't make sense anymore to feel negative about anything. Yeah sure, I'm paranoid and freakishly suspicious of people's motives sometimes... so sue me. I'm not going down in flames because of a few mindless moments of throw-caution-to-the-wind spontaneity. There are times when that's how I would act (oh, you would die of laughter), but I think that it's just not worth it with some people. Some people will just make you regret you ever so much as breathed in their direction. I have motives of my own, thank you very much. But as I said, it doesn't make sense to feel bad. For too long, I mean. Give yourself time to grieve, but that's how far it should go. Chips on shoulder are so... old.

So, I'm back to running around crazy as I did when I was five years old. After a saga of "teka" moments, I'm going back to the start, erasing the whole damn thing. But the only difference is, pretty soon, I will stand still. I'll drop everything and embrace the simplicity of the life I'm about to indulge in. Maybe then, I can truly be happy.


At 8:46 PM, Anonymous cheenee* said...

Hey floi. :) the last paragraph reminds me of freddie prince jr's performance somewhere in she's all that. :) anyway, thanks for visiting my blog. :) your linked was erased accidentally.. sorry! thanks so much for finding me who's looking for you. ;) take care! :)

At 10:26 PM, Blogger strandedsoul said...

leche ano yung comment mo sakin?! ano beh che ako na din ^_^ lol

At 1:18 PM, Anonymous ish said...

haaay... sasabayan kita with my deepest ang longest sigh... magpaganda nalang ikaw sister..:) guy aint a thing..:)

At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Floi,
"teka" moments, cute! I like that. Dear, just remember that there will be someone who will come into your life and will make you understand why it never worked out with someone else. Hey, you looked super okay when we saw each other in Saguijo last week.. so stay pretty and stay happy. You do seem to be happy right now.

Happy Easter.

At 6:19 PM, Blogger said...

cheenee, i missed blogger eh. =)

ayj, over coffee. =)

ish, i second that. =)

russ, i am. thanks to all of you. =) twas nice to finally meet d!


Post a Comment

<< Home