Sunday, March 26, 2006

The least stupid thing I'll ever do

This time around, I chose not to know everything because what I don't know won't hurt me but my itchy fingers ended up typing her blog's URL. This time around, I chose to not let my emotions show because what you don't know won't hurt me but tonight, I decided to give you this blog's URL... And to subject myself to the familiar failure of goodbye.

I hate myself because I have broken one too many promises to make some more. The last time, I promised to choose the girl's side in any situation. A girl hurt is a girl hurt and who could've been me and I would want girls to stick together at anytime regardless of whatever because all women are from Venus and one is metaphorical to the other. I chose your side for the mere reason that your role in my life outweighs hers big time because we are of the same substance and upbringing.

It was an exhibition of my poor judgement. I would've taken nobody's side... After all, I was not involved but I didn't want to be the punching bag that takes on anyone's free-flowing anger. I took your side until I made such distance to forget what made her and I close in the first place.

I promised to keep you sane and to not let you wallow alone in your depression. But here I am, typing the words of what I hope would be the last about you. Reading the first few posts of this blog told me... This is not me. I have worked hard to keep my promise to you... That I've helplessly compromised my own sanity along the way. I look at myself and I don't see me anymore... Only the girl that you made up. It's a choice, you or me. I choose me. And her.

I'm not saying she's right. Saying the things she said after four years is definitely not justifiable. But there is a truth in her words that makes me consider it acceptable... The call to hold on, the warning, the fading away goodbye, the declaration to listen and not to argue, the mutual mending, THIS BLOG. Everything makes sense that leads me to believe that we will end up the same way as you and her, without regard to our common ground.

The only difference is... I will move on. I would look at you with no bitterness and longing to be the girl you bare your heart to. I would talk to and about you without bringing up the times we've shared because they are better kept hidden as memories to arm me in life stronger. Because I am simply not her. Simply.

I'm sorry for doing this on the weekend that you asked for nothing but peace and freedom. You'll miss me... But you'll survive. Happy Birthday.

3 Comments:

At 3:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Floi,
Oh shucks, I think I know what you're talking about. It's that right? Oh. Well. Saludo ako sayo for knowing that you have to move on...

Cheers,
[russ]

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger strandedsoul said...

just make sure na hindi ka iinom ng apat n bote ng strong ice at f ever n uminom k man make sure na tinago mo muna ung cell phone mo at pinad-lock until ur sober.

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger satisfy.me said...

Oh russie... yes, it's that.

ay-gee, honga... have to surrender my cell first to whoever I'm with sa inuman.

 

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