Neverwhere
I am now living the life expectancy of a suicidal fruitfly.
My self-esteem has left for an indefinite leave and the only activity my brain has to endure is choosing which DVD to watch.
The saddest part is... I'm starting to enjoy and get used to it.
Mr. Big White Suckling Pig
Yes, Mr. BWSP. You are the boss and we are your miniature monkeys, here to do your bidding. Asshole.
He thinks he rules the fucking world... hello. hellomoto.
How to tell you're over a guy 2
Second, perhaps the funniest joke God could ever throw... Seeing him with another. A joke's more effective with the element of surprise and God knows that. Do not, I repeat, do not lose yourself in it. You want to be the one laughing, not the one being laughed at.
If you ended up somewhere you didn't plan to be at the wee hours of a gimik night, exhale the stress and enjoy yourself. Then, a familiar face pops out from behind your friend. You've never seen that face in person, only in print and a quick flash eons ago but the face just registered in your head. Fight the urge to stare. If your sane self is defeated by the psychotic self, turn your eyes to the next face. Don't pretend to be shocked when you see whose it is.
When, finally, the friend they were with takes notice of you and shouts your name as if he didn't notice you had your eyes fixed on his face already, blink. Blink and breathe. You may find this hard to do as the shock value had your eyes hanging out of their sockets. Blink.
Absorb the situation. Witness everything from an outsider's PoV. Nobody else knows what's going on in your head and nobody would care to know so like the first situation, follow the smile-and-wave lesson.
When pleasantries have been exchanged, and you start to feel your cheeks trembling from grinning too brightly and rather mechanically, look at your friends for signs of sympathy. Thank God (despite His humor) the group left before the last screw keeping your head and heart intact fell off.
Ignore the fact that you lit a cig and vigorously sucked the whole stick in three drags. Ignore the fact that your Cosmopolitan has lost its festive taste. Ignore the fact that you walked in a zombie-like state to the most proximal parking lot and screamed all your contained astonishment. Five ten-second Regina George-of-Mean Girls diapraghmic screams. Until the bodyguard approaches you to ask if you were okay and, no, you can't scream at a parking lot all you want.
Sit back down with your friends, be fascinated at God's humor, and question yourself if the last ten minutes actually happened or was all in your head, influenced by your hyperactive vivid imagination and the love novels you've thrown yourself into.
Send the guy's friend a friendly
Wow. That was funn. SMS, only to realize that you weren't using your phone and he might as well think it was the phone's sarcastic owner who sent it.
Give yourself a pat on the back. You did such a good job making him realize who truly owns his heart.
How to tell you're over a guy
First, go on over to one of your usual hangouts without fear of seeing him and being seen by him. Deliberately miss the chance of seeing him, nonetheless. If God humors you with eventually catching sight of him, shrug and light a cigarette. Pretend to be affected by your friends' teasing of your being a wuss. Go on, order a beer and have funn.
If, perhaps out of courtesy, he makes his presence felt by an SMS, keep in mind that his number is saved as DONT TEXT!!! on your phone for a reason. Return the act of courtesy and neutrally acknowledge receipt of the SMS.
If one of your friends were used by God for the execution of His next joke, remember that profound lesson from Madagascar:
smile and wave. Of course, this would be made easier when you wear your shortest pekpek shorts and hot green tank top. Drop a one-liner for effect and dash. If he replied, flash your killer smile, use a filler and make an exit.
It's okay to tell him you realized you missed him after you see him for the first time since the break-up two months ago. It is.
