Until I found my life again, I drown. So save me now.

It was that time of the month when I have a reason to go north to Ortigas and be re-acquainted with the setting of my most funn past. I decided not to take a cab and to manipulate Mervin into dropping me off. Unfortunately for me, we compromised on me getting off at Silver City. It was in the middle of the mid-morning rush and all cabs were occupied so I took on the adventure of taking a passing van. Right after I handed my ten-peso fare, I had this brain storm of retracing the steps I took with you. So I got off at Meralco Ave., made my way to the Unionbank building, let the tears flow as flashes of you and me and how we used to be got the better of me - almost making me be hit by a speeding car by the post office - and walked all the way through Emerald and San Miguel to Medical Plaza. My feet even wanted to go forth to San Antonio and to break into unit H of the G&T building... but I did not want to end up in the same police station we had that gay dude from ICT blottered.

When I was done at the clinic, I walked back to Ortigas Park through ADB Ave., wept again when I passed by the parking lot which we always cut through to Megamall after work - way before you had a car and a bloated ego plus a you're-the-man attitude - and had a large serving of Ultimate Mocha at Coffee Bean.

It was an incredible feeling - being transported back in time like that. I was almost expecting you to walk up to me and have me at "Hi Ketch!" one more time. Every time a couple who held hands passed by, I thought of how Chrioni yelled "Hoy ano yan!?" when he and your classmates saw us holding hands for the first time. I looked at the bench we sat on when we had our first relationship talk and I could almost hear your voice as you said what happened did not matter and you understood that we both had to let go of our pasts in different ways - that was the last time I was ever with another guy, by the way. I recalled how you hate the heat of the sun and how you covered us both with your jacket as we walked through the scorching mid-day heat to go to the mall. I remembered how you would pretend to forget your break schedule just so you could take your lunch break with me... which, in time, our coaches learned to live with. God knows I would never forget those moments... I don't want to, anyway.

I want to keep remembering all our moments until remembering them no longer makes me ache. I want to keep remembering them until seeing happy couples no longer brings a lump to my throat. I want to keep remembering them because only I can keep those memories alive... Only I have the proof that we had a good run. Only I can tell of the stories of the love between a boy and a girl before Pandora's box broke open. And only I am all that's left of those memories.

So every time I am in Ortigas, I would be in the same seat at Coffee Bean until being there no longer reminds me of you. I would be there until writing about being there no longer makes me weep. I would be there until I no longer feel the need to be there. I would be there until I have happy thoughts to write about again.