Sunday, May 09, 2010

Director's Cut

"I suddenly realized that the way to get over you isn't by hooking up with some random guy, or pretending like we didn't happen. You and I loved each other --- and then you broke my heart. I've been doing everything possible not to face that fact. But, I'm gonna kiss somebody someday, and when I do... it will be for me. Goodbye..."
--- Blair to Chuck on Gossip Girl, Season 3 Episode 19 "Dr. Estrangeloved"

I was about to switch channels because the drama in Gossip Girl was starting to bug when this scene came on. Last night, someone told me the best way to make a guy feel bad about your break-up is to show him that you've moved on to another guy's arms. I say no. This is the first time that I want to heal my heart by myself. No rebounds, no new man for show.

My phone not prompting a new SMS used to drive me crazy for the first few weeks, especially when I knew that the prepaid credits I've given you was already being used for a hoebag. So I filled my days with exchanging SMS with a new dude, just to keep me from the habit of updating you with random details of my day. He didn't want to be a mere rebound, though, and I concurred that he was too nice a guy to be reduced to that. I kept my heart at bay but ended up only getting myself in a bigger mess because I simply could not keep from liking the guy and it now appears that I have sabotaged all possibilities of starting anew with him.

Oh well. Life, ya?

I finally got around to clearing up my phone of our photos. It was painful - seeing all our memories in full color. I wept a bit. I couldn't help but smile afterwards, though. Little by little, I'm ridding myself of you. I'm moving on in a healthy constructive way and I can't help but be proud of myself. When that day comes that I shall have my first kiss with a new man, I know I'd be ready and it would be magical.

At kung hindi na babalik
Sana sa pag-gising ay wala na ang nadaramang sakit
At kung hindi na babalik
Pilit sasabihin na hindi ako nagkamali


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