Until I found my life again, I drown. So save me now.

Veronika Decides to Die

I'm tired... of life.

I cannot exactly put my finger on the exact moment but some time ago, I ceased to live my life; my life began to live me. I feel like I'm thrown into a rat race - everyday I wake up, run all day to catch up on God-knows-what then go home to sleep. I just may win but it won't change the fact that it still makes me a rat.

The problem with having a lot is having a lot of problems... it's equally proportionate; it's what's supposed to bring justice to this world. You got more money, you have more problems. You got more commitments, you have more responsibilities. That's just how it is.

Sure, I have a great life and it's inconsiderate of me to complain but everything gets too overwhelming sometimes and it gets too difficult to handle that I just can't force myself to take delight in anything that I want to give it all up for a life less complicated. This is one of those times.

I almost wish I weren't me. But then, I've read Paulo Coelho and I know better than to load up on Valiums. All I can do to save myself is beg God to stop testing my faith in Him, in people and in myself. Although I realized last night that sometimes, I just need someone to have faith in me. Good thing, you're there.

I heard Mass again yesterday... after two years. And I don't think God acknowledged me.

posted by Ketch Pablo @ 12:31 PM