Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Signed, Sealed and Delivered

That night when I fell asleep in your arms, in front of the ocean and under the stars - my idea of home, you may have not known but that was the point in our lives when I had fully submitted my whole being to that which terrifies and excites me - our life together. In a very long while, I had not let myself be safe and comfortable anywhere beyond the confines of my little world. But there I was, passing out and letting go and there you were, patiently just being there. Whoever said this should be easy doesn't know jack shit because it has been said and proven that it's the level of difficulty that determines the level of commitment and strength of the new being sprung from the union of our individual ones. I am optimistic but I would always expect the worst because I have been so terribly crushed over and over by being blindsided by life and its workings.

I am torn between learning from the past and taking a leap of faith which is truthfully no longer such because the proof and evidence of your goodness should be enough for me to know with undeniable certainty that you are nothing like the bastards who have come before you. My selfish ways hinder me from letting you feel how strongly I feel. Enough should be enough but we both know it never would be because we have not even seen the best and worst of what could be.

I suppose I could go on and on with this non-sensical rambling which is meant to be an apology because sorry has been so overly used and somewhere lost its essence. I do apologize for who I am and for subjecting you to the same. I am unfixable but I sincerely believe that where I fall short, you would be able to complement and fill in. With no further dramatic semantics, I just want to say, "I'm in."



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