Tuesday, May 31, 2011

What the Palm Said

I am still inevitably bothered by what the palmists have said about my destiny (Palmists because I always get a second opinion) - that I would definitely be successful in every endeavor professionally but a lot of men would come and go and nothing would last... Until I decide I'm ready to get married which sucks because I'm nowhere near that point. Yes, I'm this independent little lady with commitment issues. But that doesn't mean there are things that I don't want too - like the idea of being settled with one man and having kids and a happy ever after.

So I asked what I'm supposed to do now. I am living with this indecision which to prioritize, my career or my social life AKA my love life. I like being single but I like having that one person to rely on when my superpowers fail me. I was told I need to make that decision first, before what follows can be read for sure. I love that I am not being told what to do by my palm; But, being advised of the consequence of my decisions instead.

I love my job. I feel blessed everyday for having it. I worked hard for it. I sacrificed a lot for it... Even the one person I considered spending the rest of my life with. There are times, though, when I have to wonder if I love it enough to give up the things that I truly want - like a partner, traveling, parties and sleeping at night & waking up in the morning. Wow that just made me realize how much I have to give up. Is it worth it? I can never tell for sure.

I love the feeling of being loved and the security that comes with it. Everyday I tell myself I can take care of ME and I don't need anyone else to do it - which is true... Except I like having someone to take care of too. It just sucks that I have this personal rule not to fall for someone from work and that makes maintaining a love life impossible because with my work schedule, I am not left with enough chances to be out there.

That, I believe, is where the indecision stems from. If I really wanted to be with someone, I can just be with someone from work. How convenient, yes? But what happens if he or I moves on to another company? Would the relationship be left behind too? The unknown would forever terrify me (And it terrifies me more than ever because of experience).

For someone who likes taking spontaneous trips and exploring new places, I'm sure not many people know that I am afraid of the unknown... That I like staying safe with certainty and promises and guarantees. Why can't my adventurous nature just kick my fear's ass?

Until I do make up my mind, my palm would just give off haze and white noise. So I hope a sign helps me decide on what I would value most. Soon.


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