Sunday, July 18, 2010

Stay there because I'll be coming over

A few weeks ago, I was at a friend's place when, by accident, we happened upon her box containing photos and memories of past boyfriends. Said box and similar boxes, for that matter, shall now be called the "X-Box".

I had the courage to open my own X-box yesterday. It's the only one I have... Because I never had any relationship before you that was long enough to have enough memories to fill a box. Ticket stubs, restaurant receipts, amusement park tags, photos, love letters and random things that would've otherwise been merely trash... They were all there, beckoning for me to come reminisce about the good old days and remember that before the hurt, there was joy and contentment. I've heard of many stories of how people ended up with cynicism and paranoia so strong that their hearts were too hardened to let anyone in after losing their hearts to someone who just threw it away. I waited in the past months for that moment for me to realize I have become just as they are... That the pain was so terrible that I just can't let myself fall in love again. It never came. On the contrary, I find myself softer and readier for love than ever. And it is still because of you.

Everyday I wake up and I am psyched to awaken to the possibility that that day could be the day when someone would make me so infinitely happy that I won't care if the same person could just leave me and break my heart again. That thought in itself is sooo beautiful. Thank you... for loving me so much to change me from the insanely cautious womyn that I was. I know I'd be a better girlfriend (or even wife) to the next dude because of your love.

There was this one letter you wrote in which you enumerated all the things you liked about me. It's nice to think that for someone who hates expressing deep emotions, you wrote me letters. Haha. Love letters are still the best way to show one's love, I strongly believe. Well. Those things you wrote are such minute details of my self that it warmed my heart and reminded me of how much you liked me. By God, someone could like me THAT much to pay attention to who I am and what I do. You are not the standard, btw. I've set my standards way before you came into my life. I suppose your purpose in my life is to show me what commitment and honesty to my self can do. And standards are best left to text messaging fees and broadband subscriptions. Love is the only reason to be with a person. So here it goes again... Thank you.

To the next guy... I'm here. I'm yours. I'm ready. All you have to do is ask. It's never too soon. I'm back to reckless abandon. To our sweet sweet disposition. Meow.


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