Thursday, August 18, 2016

You're right.

I am publishing this as proof that I wasn't the only problem. You and your inability to commit was also the problem; Because two years later, YOU WERE SAYING THE SAME THINGS. And you said these same things to Mary (who everyone fondly calls your imaginary girlfriend) and J-Anne (who you abandoned because she refused to promise you something impossible). I may not have changed, but neither did you.

If you ever question my love for you, remember who you were when I fell in love with you because, frankly, the new you sucks. Soon, your new girl will see the real you. I can only hope that she will stay loyal to you through everything as I did.

An email sent on November 4, 2014 (Tue 1:22 AM PST) to You are no Joseph the Dreamer, by the way. Look at yourself first before you go around judging everyone for their flaws.

I read my old blogs about us. You're right. We're not gonna be happy growing old together because that's not what you want. It wasn't what you want with your old girlfriends and it never was what you want with me. You don't want to grow old with anyone. You just don't want to be alone when the feeling strikes. (Women are not just vaginas!) All you want to do is what is right. Maybe you should become a priest. Or a social worker.

If you wanna grow old with me, you wouldn't risk letting me be with another man. But you don't care. If I meet someone and fall in love again, your life is just gonna go on. I don't want to lose you and I'm willing to be poor with you. But no, you'd rather lose me than be poor with me. You see yourself getting a better job and getting married someday but you can see it happening with someone else. That hurts.

When you want something, you fight for it. You don't just let it go. You want music. You fight with me for it. That's who you are. It's important to you. But you never fought with anyone for me. You let me go. You're not an asshole. You just never loved me. You only stayed with me because it was the right thing to do.

I fight for our love but I don't even know who I'm fighting with. We don't need this time apart. You need it. You need to be away from me. Because that's what you do. You push people away. I need you. I push you away and you go. I'm still here. Loving you.

I'm very very sad because now I know what you're thinking. All those things you can't say to my face. You don't love me and you don't have the strength to tell me. You can't even stand to hold my hand or kiss me. Because my time with you is over. For you, our relationship has completely expired and you'll just leave it at that. It's the oldest story in the book and it's a story I'm all too familiar with. You don't even miss me.

I just hope that you won't wake up one day and wish that I'm there beside you. Maybe you won't. Coz that's you. You move on. I know that the time will come when you'd change your number so I can't reach you anymore. I know that the time will come when you'd barely look at me when I see in the mall. I just hope that you'll truly fall in love someday and you'd know what love really is. Maybe then you'll know what I mean.



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